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Dec. 20th, 2008

crazy face

(no subject)

Chris and I wound up not hanging out last night. He called me on his way home from work; he was pooped and sickly, so I told him to just go home and get some rest and that we would chill some other time. I wound up going to the ABC store and picked up some raspberry vodka and sprite. Yum! Rachel called me around that time and I went over to her and Ken's house to hang out. I missed her face! Anna, David, Dan and Amanda showed up a few hours later and of course craziness ensued. This morning I woke up to find Brandon here. Him and Jamie were working on cars. Jamie and I wound up getting all the trash out and getting the porch and yard cleaned up. The house looks nice. Amanda baked a ham and I made sausage balls, so dishes will be a mandatory clean up in the morning. We watched Hancock with Tina, and now we're waiting for Gabe's arrival. I have no idea why I felt the need to tell you all of that, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of using my LJ. Myspace blogs reveal too much. LOL.
georgey

Miserable at best.

Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so

Let's not pretend you're alone tonight
(I know he's there)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words are never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best


You're all I hoped I'd find
In every single way

And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay


Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet

But I need it

So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words are never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you

And I can't speak
Been three whole days since I've had sleep
Because I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

So let's not pretend that you're alone tonight
(I know he's there)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words are never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
But without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best

Dec. 19th, 2008

(no subject)

Krystina and I went to the awful Waffle House to visit Cris the other night, since neither of us had seen him in ages. We're chatting casually, per normal, and Cris goes into his gossip rage. What's the first thing he says? Chris is sleeping with Anna. I just stopped and stared at the Coffee News for like ten minutes, then turned to him and told him there is no way that is possible. Anna and Chris aren't speaking. Anna is back with Danny, Danny and Chris are hanging out, and Chris has decided that it's not worth even speaking to her anymore because all she does is use Chris to get to Danny. (Chris's words, BTW). Not to mention, it better not be happening, since I slept with Chris two weeks ago. Yes... the last entry about Jager night... you all knew where the tickle fights were going. Does it shock you? It shouldn't. Anyway, I can see where Cris got his information wrong. It happens with him a lot sadly. And I can't say I haven't thought it myself. No one knows behind closed doors... I mean, no one would know that Chris and I have slept together three times in the past year if I hadn't said anything, would they? Of course, no one but Kim knew until... well, now. All BS aside, Chris called me tonight to see if I wanted to come over and hang out. However, I was working until nine. Therefore, Chris and I have a bottle of Jameson with our name on it for tomorrow night. Should be fun. Will it happen again? Who knows? Probably not. I'm not sure I should let it... but he gets me every time with his mind games and his sweet pillow talk. It's hard to say no when you love someone. Someone help me?
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Dec. 7th, 2008

georgey

(no subject)

How can someone who makes you so happy make you so sad?
I'm only sad because now, two days later, I miss him so much.


Meet the love of my life. Collapse )
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Dec. 6th, 2008

georgey

(no subject)

So, Chris and I hung out last night. We got a half gallon of Jager and a couple cases of Red Bull and him, Ant and I went at it. Sitting around at his new house (which is coincidentally his old house) watching Man v. Wild and tossing back Jager Bombs. I stayed the night since I was in no shape to be driving by the time the Jager was gone. All three of us were beating each other with pillows and tossing one liners back and forth. I miss that life. I miss him. He even told me last night that he misses me too. Do I believe it? Of course not. I know I'm doomed to love him forever and I'm forced to love him from afar. Apparently him and Anna aren't speaking now. I don't know why. I didn't ask. I didn't care. Of course the night ended with tickle fights and wrestling like it does anytime we are together... and well, I guess you know what he did next...
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Nov. 10th, 2008

Sweet but fucked up

(no subject)

Since when did it become hoes before bros? Or... I guess dicks before chicks in my case?
I guess that's just my single self hating the fact that in my circle of friends I am the only one who is alone.
Oh, and the one that gets singled out because her friends can't do anything without their men.
So much for girl's night I guess.

Nov. 1st, 2008

georgey

(no subject)

I've decided that love is a violent thing. It reeps havoc on your life when it is there and it kills you when it's gone. I've been head over heels for someone since I was fourteen years old. I've left him alone and let him be, but he always seems to come back into my life and the same feelings erupt all over again. I'm not sure what the draw is, because everytime he's back he treats me like I am shit. Though I know I should feel like I don't deserve it, I actually feel like I do. Well, I messaged him the other night and, after months of no response and totally cut off of communication with him, he responded. I don't know what made me did it, but I can't stand the feeling of 'what if' and knowing that he felt the same way months ago but suddenly stopped. We made plans, since my birthday is right around the corner, to hang out tonight. We never made any timed plans, so I decided to call him this morning to find out what time we were hanging out. He didn't answer. It also only rang three times, so I'm assuming he hit that douchebag "Fuck You" (aka "Ignore") button. That was 11 this morning. It's now 10:34 and he still hasn't called back. I don't understand it. At least once a year, this man comes into my life telling me that he can't stand to be without me and that he still loves me... and yet, when I show him that I feel the same he runs away. I'm sick of it. I'm done wasting my life thinking "what if." I'm done pining over him and hoping that one day it won't be the same story. I honestly feel used more than anything, and I definitely feel second best. For the past year, she's always been more important. Important enough to throw away so much... so many years. So, I'm going to say it. She's won. It's done. Tonight was the night that I realized it's truly over, that I need to stop pining away and waiting for him to wake up. I'll just remember the good times, and remember that it was never puppy love, he was just the man that once owned my heart. There are new horizons in view. Changes to come. I just need to stop living in the past and say he missed out. I could have been the best thing he ever had. No more sadness, no more tears. No more being led on, because every time it happens it always ends the same. Goodbye, tears. Hello, happy endings.



I'm sorry it's so melodramatic.... I find it that too. It's just, I've lived believing he was everything for far too long. It's time I wake up. This will help me do so.
I hope.
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Oct. 26th, 2008

Heartache

It's Not Over

 

My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you, or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
I'm shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

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Oct. 15th, 2008

Sweet but fucked up

It's been a helter skelter romance from the start.

In my brightest hour
Of my darkest day
I realized what is wrong with me
Can't get over you
Can't get through to you
It's been a helter skelter romance from the start
Take these memories that are haunting me
Of a paper man cut into shreads
By his own pair of scissors
He'll never forgive her
He'll never forgive her

Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever

Sitting by a fire on a lonely night
Hanging over from another good time
With another girl
Little dirty girl
You should listen to this story of a life
You're my heroine
In this moment I'm lonely
Fulfilling my darkest dreams
All these drugs all these women
I'm never forgiven this broken heart of mine

Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever

One last kiss
Before i go
Dry your tears
It is time to let you go
One last kiss
Before I go

Dry your tears
It is time to let you go

Oct. 10th, 2008

(no subject)

So this is what my life has come to? Just waiting for that "fuck you" call?










This is bullshit.

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